Uber Narwhal

This shirt is everything you’ve dreamed of and more…


The Story
Since the dawn of time, Narwhals transported hedgehogs between the Scottish isles.

When winter icefloes made it impossible for their wood-prowed ships to sail, hedgehogs would send a signal into the sky using the sunstone (tools and methods later appropriated by both, the Vikings and Batman). Fleets of narwhals would appear, usually within several hours, to offer safe passage across the ocean. In exchange, during the summer months, hedgehogs would regularly supply their trusty water steeds with tasty grubs and other land-bound delicacies.

The Nitty Gritty
Attention Ladies – shirts run true to size for the majority of our lady customers, including our token studio human. For example, she usually wears a size Large or size 12-14 and these shirts in size Large fit her well, so we recommend ordering in your usual size. However, if you are bustier, shorter, or concerned about how this style of shirt might fit you please be sure to use the sizing chart provided.

Attention Gentlemen – shirts can run a bit snug on the manly frame, so we recommend either sizing up, sucking it in, or using the sizing chart below.

Printed just for you – since each shirt is printed on demand please allow 10-14 business days for an order to arrive at your door. The time frame may increase slightly during busy seasons, such as holidays and sale times. We work with a bunch of fancy French Marmots to produce these shirts. They are perfectionists and will not be rushed. It is out of our paws. Please understand also that custom-printed shirts are not refundable due to improper size selection or the changing of the Royal Mind. The Marmots, will, of course, correct any mistakes made by them.


Width, in182021.9723.9825.9928
Length, in2829.2630.2431.2632.4933.51
Sleeve length, in8.238.518.759.029.269.49
The Goods
Hedgehogs are extremely versatile and proudly self-sufficient. They fashion their excellent spines into fountain pens and use their surreptitiously prehensile tails for gouache painting. Unfortunately, these same pokey little spines tend to tear dreadful holes in anything cloth-like. So after years of accidentally destroying ballgowns, waistcoats, britches and capes, the hedgehogs have of late engaged the services of Jean-Pierre de Remusat et Fils, Marmot and proprietor of Maison de Haberdashery et Chemisiers in Paris. Several fils and filles of Monsieur Jean-Pierre have voyaged to the Americas to establish a shop in the state of Florida from whence they currently produce and distribute bespoke chemises (shirts, to you Anglophones) etc. to the specification of the hedgehogs of Darn Pottery.

Much to the satisfaction of the hedgehogs, the impeccable devotion of the French Marmots to the actualization of the bespoke articles of clothing has been apparent from the start. The Marmots work tirelessly, though under excellent conditions, with frequent snack breaks and generous retirement packages. Their efforts are irreproachable and the results first-class.

Excellence shall not be rushed or compromised, however. It takes no less than 10 to 14 days for a bespoke order to make its way to the Madame or Monsieur. Furthermore, the Marmots tolerate no returns or exchanges where the Madame or Monsieur have ordered the wrong size or color or have reconsidered their purchase. The Marmots will, of course, correct any aberration, gaffe or faux pas at their expense.

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