Uber Narwhal

$14.10$21.43

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This shirt is everything you’ve dreamed of and more… short description.

Since the dawn of time, Narwhals transported hedgehogs between the Scottish isles. When winter icefloes made it impossible for their wood-prowed ships to sail, hedgehogs would send a signal into the sky using the sunstone (tools and methods later appropriated by both, the Vikings and Batman). Fleets of narwhals would appear, usually within several hours, to offer safe passage across the ocean. In exchange, during the summer months, hedgehogs would regularly supply their trusty water steeds with tasty meals of herring and boiled potatoes along with other delicacies.

This t-shirt is everything you’ve dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It’s comfortable and flattering for both men and women. Incredibly soft airlume combed ring-spun cotton (and cotton/poly blends for Heathers), these shirts run true to size and are a little bit on the longer side which covers your butt nicely. 
 
  S M L XL 2XL 3XL
Width, in 18 20 21.97 23.98 25.99 28
Length, in 28 29.26 30.24 31.26 32.49 33.51
Sleeve length, in 8.23 8.51 8.75 9.02 9.26 9.49

 

Attention Ladies - shirts run true to size for the majority of our lady customers, including our studio human. For example, she usually wears a size Large or size 12-14 and these shirts in size Large fit her well. However, if you are bustier, shorter, taller or just concerned about how this style of shirt might fit you please be sure to use the sizing chart provided.

Attention Gentlemen - shirts can run a bit snug on the manly bod, so we recommend either sizing up, sucking it in, or using the sizing chart provided.

Printed just for you - since each shirt is printed on demand please allow 10-14 business days for an order to arrive at your door. The timeframe may increase slightly during busy seasons, such as holidays and sale times. We work with a bunch of fancy French Marmots to produce these shirts. They are perfectionists and will not be rushed. It is out of our paws. Please understand also that custom-printed shirts are not refundable due to improper size selection or the changing of the royal mind.

Deep in the Blue Ridge mountains, in a winding mountain valley, there is a big red barn in the middle of an old, hilly farm. The barn has a white roof, a wood burning stove, two noisy dogs, a couple of humans, and an entire colony of talking hedgehogs.

The hedgehogs accomplish many surprising things with their big brains, tiny paws, and inquisitive whiskers. Because they don't enjoy the process of writing (you wouldn't either if you lacked opposable thumbs), they use drawings to record their day-to-day events, their notable adventures, and the stories told to them by friends and trees. Hedgehogs take great pride in recording only accurate information and would never exaggerate or embellish any facts or accomplishments. You can be certain that any hedgehog illustration you encounter has been fact checked and appropriately notarized.

Hedgehogs are extremely versatile and proudly self-sufficient. They fashion their excellent spines into fountain pens and use their surreptitiously prehensile tails for water coloring. Unfortunately, these same spines tend to tear dreadful holes in clothing. So after years of accidentally destroying ballgowns, waistcoats, britches and capes, the hedgehogs have, of late, engaged the services of Jean-Pierre et Fils, Marmot and proprietor of the famous Maison de Chemisiers in Paris. Several fils and filles of Monsieur Jean-Pierre have voyaged to the Americas to establish a haberdashery from whence they currently produce and distribute bespoke chemises (shirts, to you Anglophones) to the specification of the hedgehogs of Darn Pottery.

Much to the satisfaction of the hedgehogs, the impeccable devotion of these French Marmots to the actualization of the bespoke articles of clothing has been apparent from the start. The Marmots work tirelessly, though under excellent conditions, with frequent snack breaks and generous retirement packages. Their efforts are irreproachable and the results first-class.

Excellence shall not be rushed or compromised, however. It takes no less than 10 to 14 days for a bespoke order to make its way to the Madame or Monsieur the Customer. The Marmots tolerate no returns or exchanges where the Madame or Monsier have ordered the wrong size or color or have reconsidered their purchase. The Marmots will, of course, correct any aberration, gaffe or faux pas at their expense.

And now for something completely different...

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