Her Royal Highness, Princess Charlotte, was a lovely donkey. The epitome of grace and good nature, she ascended to the throne of her country at a very young age and instead of playing with other children, she was forced to sit on the throne in the freezing situation room, while her ministers reported. This was very unpleasant because the news was not all that good.
The Minister of Transportation requested gold to invest in new rail road cars.
The Minister of Foreign Affairs updated everyone on who is angry at the kingdom and who wants to be friends.
The Minister of Education complained that children could not be made to study enough and were always late and that little boys were smoking in secret and little girls mocked their teachers.
The Minister of War recounted the sorry state of fortresses, cannons, and siege engines.
Charlotte hardly understood any of this but listened carefully and nodded. Afterwards she had an hour to go to the walled-in royal gardens to run around. But it was not much fun either. She wasn’t allowed to play with other kids in the park because of the Minister of Security who liked to report on kidnappings and missing children. So she munched on the perfectly manicured grass and made flower wreaths for her dolls while her tutor and her lady-in-waiting grazed nearby.
Then one day, while nibbling on a particularly bitter dandelion, she heard a series of grunts and then a big “oooof” and then a dangerous looking grenade completely covered with spines catapulted off the garden wall and landed at her feet. Charlotte started, because it looked so very much like the new enemy ammunition described by the Minister of Intelligence. But it just lay there, not blowing up. In fact, it was making little noises.
And that’s how Princess Charlotte met her best friend and future royal advisor, Darnit MacKenzie.
The Nitty Gritty
The word “mug” can be traced to early 16th century (originally Scots and northern English, denoting an earthenware bowl). It likely comes from the early hedgehog term “muggetub” which loosely translates to “plunge bath” or “hot tubbe” in Olde English. An extraordinarily tidy animal, hedgehogs of Scotland enjoyed combining their daily ablutions with daily whiskey, frequently resulting in what is today referred to as the Hot Toddy.
Our darn mugs are handmade and are approximately 3 inches wide by 4.5 to 5 inches tall. They generally hold about 16 ounces.
All Darn Pottery is either hand built or individually hand thrown on the potters wheel, by little hedgehogs, with locally sourced clay. Our pieces are finished with lead-free, non toxic glazes made right here in our studio in the beautiful Blue Ridge. Our tableware is bright and durable, fired three separate times to temperatures exceeding 2000 degrees. It also feels really good in your hands, with sturdy handles on mugs, terrific balance in plates, good stackability in bowls, and sturdy edges all around. This is not your grandma’s fine china. This is your own darn china.
Every piece is individually made and painted and may therefore look a little different. The minor variations in height, width, and illustration are entirely the hedgehogs’ fault. A lot depends on how much they’ve eaten that morning and the proximity of the next meal. All of the colors look great together and make your table look really happy.
You should also know that our pottery is made without any lead, cadmium, asbestos, anchovies, pink slime or any other yucky stuff. It’s perfectly food safe. Also, our farm has solar power. And bears.
Darn Pottery does not mind being dishwashed because it is decorated with glaze that has been fired into the piece itself. It’s not sublimation and it’s not coming off. Just stack gently and don’t let the critters have a party in there. We do not recommend microwaving as the pieces may get pretty hot. Darn Pottery is not for cooktop or oven use. Do not use to freeze food or drinks. Use a Mason jar instead. Basically, avoid extreme temperature changes. The same goes for the pots.