“Did you know that while you were busy running around in the park,” the inspector flipped his notebook and quickly scanned the new page. “Blowing the fluff off dandelions,” he enunciated, reading the notes verbatim. “Your dog has been picked up on charges of juvenile delinquency, vagrancy, and peeing on an officer,” he finished and took a sip of water.
“I was not aware,” whispered Darnit the Fourteenth, his eyes round as saucers. “Where is he now? May I see him?”
“He is being questioned.”
“I don’t know what to say. He is always such a good boy. He decided to stay at home today so I went to the park by myself. We usually go together.”
The inspector stopped him with a lifted pinky “So his behavior was premediated, you say.”
“I do not!”
“But the dog made you think he was staying at home, while in reality this was just a ruse so that he could participate in a heist.”
“My Boobie? A robber? I don’t believe it!”
“Indeed, we have witnesses and furthermore, he was caught with six sausages in his mouth.”
The Nitty Gritty
Early tumblers actually tumbled. Originally, the term referred to a type of cup with a round bottom –when placed on a table, these cups would roll — or tumble. We also know there were other types of medieval drinking vessels, such as the drinking horn, that would roll when placed on the table, spilling mead, beer, or wine (water, juice, and milk had not been discovered yet). Why on earth these old timey people would tolerate such nonsense, we simply cannot say. We do know that hedgehog engineers took a special pleasure in inventing a machine they called The Flattener, which, among other things, performed its eponymous function on the bottoms of tumblers, rendering them stable so no more wine would be wasted.
Our darn tumblers are handmade and are approximately 3 inches wide by 4.5 inches tall. They generally hold about 14 ounces.
All Darn Pottery is either hand built or individually hand thrown on the potters wheel, by little hedgehogs, with locally sourced clay. Our pieces are finished with lead-free, non toxic glazes made right here in our studio in the beautiful Blue Ridge. Our tableware is bright and durable, fired three separate times to temperatures exceeding 2000 degrees. It also feels really good in your hands, with sturdy handles on mugs, terrific balance in plates, good stackability in bowls, and sturdy edges all around. This is not your grandma’s fine china. This is your own darn china.
Every piece is individually made and painted and may therefore look a little different. The minor variations in height, width, and illustration are entirely the hedgehogs’ fault. A lot depends on how much they’ve eaten that morning and the proximity of the next meal. All of the colors look great together and make your table look really happy.
You should also know that our pottery is made without any lead, cadmium, asbestos, anchovies, pink slime or any other yucky stuff. It’s perfectly food safe. Also, our farm has solar power. And bears.
Darn Pottery does not mind being dishwashed because it is decorated with glaze that has been fired into the piece itself. It’s not sublimation and it’s not coming off. Just stack gently and don’t let the critters have a party in there. We do not recommend microwaving as the pieces may get pretty hot. Darn Pottery is not for cooktop or oven use. Do not use to freeze food or drinks. Use a Mason jar instead. Basically, avoid extreme temperature changes. The same goes for the pots.