“I’m not sure we need a wrench. But I do appreciate all of you coming to help.” Benji squinted up at the ceiling where the dark lightbulb swung languorously. “She might just be taking a break. But with the big dance in just a few hours, I thought we’d best try to change her.”
The bulb suddenly spurted into life. Indignant sparks zapped up and down her wire.
“Change like how?” she hissed. “Like, replace? Like, get a new, younger one? With bigger… filaments?”
Squeals of denial all around, except for the cat who continued to recline sullenly.
“Or maybe I should start emitting particles instead of waves? Or maybe you want music instead of light? Or cranberries? Well?” she huffed and settled into a silent swinging motion that made Benji a little seasick.
“We’re sorry M’am,” he mumbled. “We thought maybe your were, you know, dead.”
The Nitty Gritty
Early tumblers actually tumbled. Originally, the term referred to a type of cup with a round bottom –when placed on a table, these cups would roll — or tumble. We also know there were other types of medieval drinking vessels, such as the drinking horn, that would roll when placed on the table, spilling mead, beer, or wine (water, juice, and milk had not been discovered yet). Why on earth these old timey people would tolerate such nonsense, we simply cannot say. We do know that hedgehog engineers took a special pleasure in inventing a machine they called The Flattener, which, among other things, performed its eponymous function on the bottoms of tumblers, rendering them stable so no more wine would be wasted.
Our darn tumblers are handmade and are approximately 3 inches wide by 4.5 inches tall. They generally hold about 14 ounces.
All Darn Pottery is either hand built or individually hand thrown on the potters wheel, by little hedgehogs, with locally sourced clay. Our pieces are finished with lead-free, non toxic glazes made right here in our studio in the beautiful Blue Ridge. Our tableware is bright and durable, fired three separate times to temperatures exceeding 2000 degrees. It also feels really good in your hands, with sturdy handles on mugs, terrific balance in plates, good stackability in bowls, and sturdy edges all around. This is not your grandma’s fine china. This is your own darn china.
Every piece is individually made and painted and may therefore look a little different. The minor variations in height, width, and illustration are entirely the hedgehogs’ fault. A lot depends on how much they’ve eaten that morning and the proximity of the next meal. All of the colors look great together and make your table look really happy.
You should also know that our pottery is made without any lead, cadmium, asbestos, anchovies, pink slime or any other yucky stuff. It’s perfectly food safe. Also, our farm has solar power. And bears.
Darn Pottery does not mind being dishwashed because it is decorated with glaze that has been fired into the piece itself. It’s not sublimation and it’s not coming off. Just stack gently and don’t let the critters have a party in there. We do not recommend microwaving as the pieces may get pretty hot. Darn Pottery is not for cooktop or oven use. Do not use to freeze food or drinks. Use a Mason jar instead. Basically, avoid extreme temperature changes. The same goes for the pots.
And now for something completely different...